When the Lights Go Down
by Kla1987
Summary: Olivia walked away from Jake in order to save his life - but who will save her now that her grief is tearing her apart from the inside? Olake/canon I don't own anything but my feels - reviews are welcome! 3
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

 **Hi guys! Sorry it's been a while - I've been sick, and also severely lacking in inspiration. However, last night's episode of Scandal gave me just enough feels to start writing again - and surprisingly enough, I think I've switched sides from Olitz to Olake. Well, I abandoned the Olitz ship a long, long time ago, but I think I'm to the point where I actually like the idea of Liv and Jake together - maybe. We will see how I feel after watching a few more eps.**

 **Anyway, I said all that to say this is me trying my hand at an Olake story for the first time - there will be very little (maybe none) Fitz in this story. I hope that you'll give it a chance anyway, and let me know what you're thinking about the premise as it goes along. I'm challenging myself to do better about writing, so I'm aiming for updates 1-2 times per week until this is finished. I'm totally open to reviews, so please leave some and let me know where your heads are!**

 **Standard disclaimer: the characters aren't mine, just the feels. Enjoy!**

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Chapter One:

"What do you want, Huck?" Jake said lowly, never turning around to look at the man behind him. Huck, unsurprised that Jake had sensed his presence long before now, stepped from underneath the alcove in which he'd been hidden and moved to stand next to the other man.

"How are you?" Huck said, his meager attempt at small talk bringing a cheeky smirk to Jake's face. "How have you been?"

"I'm a newlywed, just back from my honeymoon with the perfect woman. Edison has all but clinched the Democratic nomination for the presidency, which means this time next year, I'll be the second most powerful man in the world. I'd say it's been a record year for me."

Jake laughs lightly, but Huck doesn't miss the bitter tinge to his voice, or the sardonic smile that seems pasted on his face. Still, never one for many words, he stays quiet as the two of them stare out at the water.

A few silent moments pass between them, and to someone who didn't know better, they looked like two old friends sharing a reflective moment by the river. Jake almost wished that they could be that – that they could be normal comrades instead of men united only by the shared trauma of living life with the vilest man on the planet, and of a misplaced sense of obligation to his equally damaging daughter.

Olivia.

Jake closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose hard, willing the mental picture of her beautiful face to fade from his mind. His brain was burned with images of the way that she looked their last night together, her wild curls a tangled mess, her full lips parted in ecstasy as he made love to her for the last time. He hadn't known it was the last time then. If he had, he would have savored it. He would have made it last as long as possible, holding on to her longer than necessary, memorizing every curve of her face, every sound she made, every feeling he felt with her body flush against his.

He loved her so much that night. He'd thought she loved him, too.

He'd been wrong.

"What do you need, Huck?" Jack asked brusquely, a sour taste pooling in his mouth as he tried desperately to stop his mind from moving to the next scene in the sick little movie on repeat in his head. The one where she took it all back, and gutted him with her cruel words. The one where even as she stood in front of him, telling him everything he already knew was true – how she would never love him like she loved Fitz, how she would never choose him, how he wasn't good enough for her, how she deserved so much better – he still hoped she'd take it all back. He still wanted her to change her mind… to choose him. To choose their life together.

But Olivia hadn't. She had walked away from him, leaving him feeling as jilted as he'd been planning to make Vanessa feel just a few moments before. He'd gone into the wedding in a daze, robotically taking the vows that bound him to a beautiful woman he could barely even stand. It wasn't that Vanessa wasn't special – Vanessa was perfect. She was everything that he should want in a woman… but she wasn't Olivia. And that, unfortunately, made all the difference in the world.

Jake pulls himself out of his thoughts again just in time to catch the frustrated mutterings of the man beside him. "Huh? I'm sorry Huck =- what did you say?"

"I said, she needs you," Huck ground out, slowly and deliberately this time. Jake rolled his eyes and let out an exasperated sigh as he fought valiantly to keep the butterflies in his stomach from rising up again. He couldn't afford any more hope – he'd already given her everything. What was left of his heart and his manhood, he would keep only for himself.

"She doesn't want me," Jake began evenly as he turned to face Huck. "She's never wanted me. She told me in no uncertain terms that she could and should do better. So no, Huck, she doesn't need me. She needs to get a life and move on. I have."

"Jake, you don't understand. I've never seen her like this. Ever since your wedding, she's… wrong. She isn't eating, she isn't sleeping. All she does is come to work and act like a robot every day."

"Well, that's probably because she has no heart," Jake laughed bitterly, but even as he said it, he felt no conviction in the words. For all her faults, for everything she was and wasn't, Jake knew the truth: he hadn't stopped loving her.

But that didn't mean he had to keep putting his heart through a meat grinder for her.

"You don't believe that," Huck said quietly, his eyes focusing on Jake. "I know you Jake Ballard, and you don't believe that. You saw how happy she was when you said you wouldn't marry that woman. You saw how she looked at you and said she was ready for forever – ready to be happy. You. Saw. Her. So, don't tell me that you really believe that was all an act. Don't tell me that you think she doesn't really love you. And don't tell me that you don't still love her."

"Of course I still love her!" Jake yelped, the words coming heavy and thick off his tongue. "I'd set myself on fire just to make her smile. I'd give my own life just to ensure that she is safe and happy. I'd sacrifice the entire world to be with her. I. Love. Olivia. Carolyn. Pope. But she left me. Again. She had a chance to choose me, and she didn't. Again. So I don't know what you want me to do now, Huck. But I can't be her superman anymore. Saving her is killing me."

Huck was quiet for a moment, letting the gravity of what the other man said rain down on him. He saw how stooped his shoulders had become, saw how wistful his expression became, heard the resignation thickening his voice as he finally gave up. He knew Jake had been hurt by Olivia more than anyone else – but he also knew that Olivia loved Jake like she'd never loved anyone else. He'd watched the tapes of her crying alone by herself at night in her apartment – screaming out his name in her sleep, sobs wracking her body. She kept the stoic façade in place during the day at work, but at night, Huck knew that she completely fell apart in her grief. Ever since she'd been abducted, Huck had made sure to keep her entire apartment under constant surveillance so that any other threats to her safety and well-being could be detected and eradicated quickly. He didn't realize that the biggest threat to Olivia's well-being might be Olivia herself.

"Look man, you don't have to believe me if you don't want to. You can see for yourself what she's like."

Jakes eyes flickered down as Huck handed him a folded slip of paper. He opened it up and saw a series of numbers coded inside – an IP address.

"You've been watching her?" Jake stated more than asked. Huck's noncommittal shrug was all that he needed for confirmation of what he'd already guessed.

"Someone needs to watch over her. She isn't as invincible as she likes to think. Log on to that site tonight and watch her for a little while. If you still think she doesn't need you, doesn't love you after you see what she's like, then I'll respect that and not ask again."

Jake stared at the numbers for a few more minutes before looking up with intentions to respond to Huck; however the latter had already disappeared back into his alcove and to whatever lay beyond that. Jake was alone with his thoughts again, but this time he didn't want to be. Thoughts of her came unbidden, and with them the dangerous levels of hope he should know better than to feel by now. He worked hard to school his face back into one of passive indifference before folding the paper back into itself and shoving it in his pocket. He had a role to play right now – he needed to be the moonstruck newlywed Rowan and Vanessa expected, the one that only had eyes for his new wife, while attending the function later this evening. He didn't have time to dawdle with thoughts of the one woman who would always have his heart – even if she didn't want it. He'd made a commitment, and he would honor that commitment… and worry about Olivia later.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN - Sorry this took so long! Apparently the site doesn't like my Mac... I've had this written for nearly a week but it wouldn't upload to my doc manager! Anyway, from now on, I'll be uploading from my work computer (which means no lemons - sorry).**

 **Anyway - here it is - enjoy!**

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Chapter Two:

Jake walked in to the gala, smiling with his blushing bride right at his side. Tonight's event was a veritable smorgasborg of Washington's elite, and he understood how important this night was to Rowan and to his prospects of becoming the Vice President. He gave everyone his best show, playing the part of the perfect husband and statesman as he worked the room. From the corner of his eye he saw Fitz raise a glass to him in a light toast, and he acknowledged the greeting before turning his attention to the next person waiting to speak with him.

Several hours in to this tedious "celebration" Jake made a discreet exit, slipping out the side door and into a garden in search of some fresh air.

"Gets to be a bit much in there sometimes, huh?" a familiar voice called out to him. Jake smiled as he turned and shook hands with Fitz as he approached.

"Mr. President," Jake said, amused at the side-eye the formal moniker had garnered from the older man. "What can I do for you my friend."

"Nothing right now, Jake – I just wanted to check on you. I noticed your beautiful wife has been working the room by herself for quite some time and I was wondering why that was." Jake avoided the imploring look from his friend, shrugging his shoulders noncommittally and gazing back out toward the view. This garden had a perfect panoramic view of the Washington skyline, and he figured he'd much rather look out at it than at Fitz right then.

"The whole newlywed thing is beginning to feel a little… overwhelming. I just needed a break for a few minutes… you know, to get my thoughts together."

"I understand," Fitz said with a sigh, turning his attention to the skyline as well. "So, have you talked to her lately?"

"Not since she walked out right before the wedding," Jake replied with another shrug.

"She didn't quite seem herself that day," Fitz noted idly. "Do you know why she ran away so quickly?"

"Because she's Olivia Pope, and that's what she does – run." Jake couldn't stop the bitterness and resentment he felt from coloring his voice this time. Luckily, he was speaking to the one man who knew all too well what it was like to love – and lose – Olivia. If anyone could empathize with his bitterness, it was Fitz.

Perhaps that was why, when pushed just a little farther, Jake wound up recounting many of the ugly details surrounding their last and final breakup. He even told Fitz how she'd said that she was still in love with him, which made the President snort with laughter.

"Olivia gave up loving me a long time ago, Jake," Fitz said, his own voice laced with a bit of both bitterness and acceptance. "I think she loved me once upon a time, but that stopped long before your wedding. We've both made peace with where we are now, but unfortunately, I know that she and I and Vermont have only ever been an elusive figment of my imagination."

"But she chose you," Jake argued. "She chose you time and time and time again when I was right there, ready and willing to love her. Available to her, beholden only to her. She still chose someone else."

"Olivia never chose me, Jake," Fitz sighed. "She chose herself. She chose safety. She chose someone who would never have the option to choose her back… so she never had to be truly committed. You see how quickly things fell apart when I did finally make room for us to be together openly. We didn't even make it 6 months without her running! And who did she run to, each and every time, Jake? She may have made me think that she wanted me, but when it really came down to it, she chose to run to you – Every. Time."

"That's because I'm a safety net," Jake shot back. "She doesn't love me, she just loves that she can count on me to pick her up every time. I'm not doing it any more. I've got Vanessa now, and a good life. I deserve to be happy, too, right?"

"Of course you do," Fitz said. "But if you're so happy with Vanessa and this 'good life', then why are you out here with me, moping about a woman we are both in love with, but only one of us still has a chance with at this point?" When Jake didn't respond, he continued, "Look, I'm not going to tell you what to do – God knows I don't have all the answers. But what I do know is that the time I had with her was the happiest and most frustrating/infuriating time of my whole life. It was the only time I ever really felt like I was living. And if I thought there was even half a chance that I could feel like that again – even knowing all the pain that comes with it – I'd take it."

"Yeah, well, forgive me if I'm not chomping at the bit to throw myself back on the fire at her altar," Jake spat, straightening his coat and clapping his friend on the shoulder. "Thanks for the talk though – it's always good seeing you, Mr. President."

"Likewise, Jake – enjoy your night and your new wife"

Jake spent the rest of the night tossing and turning in his bed, trying unsuccessfully to get some sleep. He looked over at the passed out form of his wife next to him, and couldn't help but notice the overwhelming feeling of nothingness that came to him when he looked at her. He wondered idly how long it would take for Vanessa to catch on to his complete indifference toward her – how long before she figured out that their entire relationship had been a lie. Maybe she had already figured it out – at the very least, she was aware that Jakes feelings for Olivia were more than that of simple brotherly affection. Too bad she didn't feel the same for him.

Or maybe she did? Jake had tried to talk himself out of the foolish hope that had bloomed in his chest after his meeting with Huck earlier, but a part of him still held on to the idea that maybe she did miss him… love him. But why would she reject him again, if that were the case.

He'd almost talked himself out of the idea once again, but as he turned over on his side, his eyes landed on the slip of paper that Huck had handed him that afternoon, the one with the IP address on it. Warring with himself momentarily, Jake decided to get up and check the site out. He told himself it was so that he could prove that she was fine without him, and so he could finally put this angst in his mind to bed and let her go. Over and over he repeated this in his mind as he made his way down the stairs, assuring himself that he was only doing this to assure himself that Olivia was fine. Huck had probably just caught her on a bad day and gotten worried… Jake knew that Huck didn't exactly have a clear understanding of what normal expression of human emotion looked like. He expected her to be sitting on her sofa, sipping wine and watching news from around the world. He expected her to be researching a new client or entertaining Mellie or Quinn or New Harrison (whatever his name is). He expected her to be fast asleep in her bed, snuggling between her sheets after taking one of the xanaxes prescribed to her by the therapist he hoped she'd started seeing.

He expected anything other than what he found.

As Jake logged on to the remote website, the images being streamed from Olivia's plush apartment came into view. At first, everything looked still and empty… he wasn't even sure she was home yet. Then, a slight movement from one of the camera angles caught his eye. She was huddled in a corner, her knees pulled up to her chest and her face buried between them. Her shoulders shook slightly, the only indication that she was conscious. He watched for a while as she sat there, sobbing into her knees (he'd found the button that manipulated the volume controls), and trying to make out the words that she was saying. He couldn't make out all that she was saying, but what he understood allowed him to glean that she was upset about her father. Typical, he thought to himself as he continued to watch her. He wondered why Huck wanted him to see this, though. I mean, so Olivia wasn't exactly at her best right now – she hadn't been at her best in quite some time if he was being honest with himself. Still, that didn't make this little come apart something particularly interesting – especially since it wasn't even about him.

Satisfied that she would continue to survive without his presence, Jake moved to click away from the page. Just as he moved his mouse to shut down the window, though, a pop-up appeared in the corner with a link that said "Watch Me" from a site user by the name of HuckleberryQuinn. Amused by the gladiator(s)' lack of creativity, Jake clicked the link and was shown another stream from Olivia's apartment. The time stamp on the video showed that this was from earlier that night. Jake watched as Olivia trudged through the door of her apartment, appropriately worn down after leaving work. She'd been slightly startled when she found her father sitting on the sofa, and he watched as they immediately began exchanging terse words, as they always do. This wouldn't have been interesting to him except that this time the argument was about Jake himself.

"Jake and Vanessa are the talk of the town tonight, Olivia. Now, aren't you glad I didn't let you ruin the wedding of the year?"

"Screw you, Dad!" Olivia ground out, that fierce look of anger overcoming her beautiful face. "I love him and you took him from me. You take EVERYTHING from me! I did as you asked – why can't you just leave me be?"

"Because, Olivia," Rowan's signature patronizing cadence began, "I know you, and I know that unless you are properly incentivized, you will not leave well enough alone. Now, Jake has been a good boy and married the woman I chose for him. He seems happy enough for now, but I'm not foolish enough to think that he doesn't still miss you. But you've hurt him, Olivia – I came to commend you for that. Whatever you said to him, whatever you did to convince him to go through with the wedding – it worked. You broke his heart. And that's a good thing, because where he's going, a heart would only be a hinderance to him anyway."

"I did what I had to do to save his life, you sick son of a bitch," Olivia spat back. "I gave away the one shot I had at being happy with the man that I truly love, because you told me you would slit his throat if I didn't!"

"And it worked, didn't it? I got what I wanted – the wedding and the vice-presidential nomination for my boy – and you got what you wanted. For once, you decided to be the adult, and to not be selfish, and because of it, Jake gets to live. And not just live – Jake gets to be the great man he was always destined to be. He will get to see all of the great and wonderful plans that we put into place play out fully because for the first time ever, YOU stepped up and did the right thing instead of the selfish thing. I do love it when my wonderful children show me that my love and investment in them has paid off."

Rowan sat back with a self-satisfied smirk as Olivia seethed with anger. "LOVE?" she raged, "What do you know about love? You don't even have a soul. You are just evil incarnate, walking around spreading your death and contamination to everyone you meet. You don't love me, and you sure as hell don't love Jake. If you did, you wouldn't have made me hurt him. If you did, you wouldn't have made me walk away from him. If you knew anything about LOVE, then you'd see how important it is for me to be with the man that I love."

"Oh, Olivia, Olivia, Olivia – you still have learned nothing. You had how many chances to make things work with Jake? I served him to you on a silver platter and time and again you rejected him because you wanted a piece of the Oval instead. Now that you've realized that your precious Fitz isn't anything that you thought he was, you've decided to open your eyes to what's been in front of you all along. The problem is, now Jake deserves better. And I will kill him before I allow him to settle for less than the greatness he is destined for just for you."

At that, Olivia lost it. "GET. OUT." She screamed, launching a vase at Rowan's head, while he laughed condescendingly.

"Don't worry, Livvie. You will see in time that this is all for the best, for everyone. Jake will be a great man, with Vanessa by his side. Maybe if you hadn't insisted on being a side-dish for Fitzgerald Grant, that could be you with him instead. Think about that the next time you want to blame me for this – you're the one who devalued yourself – not me."

With that, Jake watched as Rowan walked out the door, leaving Olivia alone to cry in her room by herself. She crumpled into that little ball in the corner, and as best as he could tell, she hadn't moved in the 5 or 6 hours since. Jake felt his heart break, watching how lost and alone she looked there. He wanted to reach out to her, to go and hold her and tell her that everything would be okay, that he understood, that he still loved her, still wanted her. He'd known somehow that Rowan had gotten to her, but he didn't know it was this bad. He didn't know the old man had threatened his life in exchange for Olivia's breaking things off with him. Knowing that didn't erase all of the hurt that he felt when he remembered those words, but it did allow that hope he'd felt so tentatively earlier to take root in full force. Now he just needed to figure out how to get to her and get them out of this mess.


End file.
